Last night I was sitting in Bean's nursery, rocking him to sleep as he was suffering the tail end of his first ever cold, and I was just remembering how crazy it is that it's already been 16 whole months since I gave birth to him. Like, for real!
Throughout my entire pregnancy, the one thing I was the most afraid of was labour. Id heard horror stories of painful c-sections that were med free, blood transfusions, almost deadly infections, labour that lasted days, and the worst, death by childbirth. I was absolutely terrified, and did everything in my power to get fit and healthy during pregnancy so my labour would be smooth and easy. It didn't work. It was a high risk pregnancy, as Bean was worryingly low from Month 5 onwards. One bad fall or wrong move could induce labour. And yet, he ended up being late.
As a barely 19 year old kid, walking in to the labour and delivery ward, I was so freaking scared. The nurse told me straight "he's turned himself around, he's going to need to be turned around" and I couldn't believe what a stubborn little kid I already had. Scared me half to death for the majority of pregnancy, just to turn around at the start of labour. And then, when he refused to turn, he made one of my biggest fears come true. C-section.
I have to say, though, in all the sections of the Hospital, next to the Kids and Cancer wards, labour and delivery has the best nurses there are. Everyone was calm and friendly, and did their best to make me feel better. They played music and we chatted, and my Doctor decided to compliment me on how healthy my kidneys and liver looked (thanks again Doctor, everyone wants to hear that mid-surgery!). And then, there was this tiny, bloody ball of baby that landed in Hubs' arms, and we cried together, and I laughed at his ugly ears that he unfortunately got from my side. His thick black hair covered his head and all I could think was 'at least the heartburn was worth it!'
And now, I look to the child that we created together, and how much has changed since that day. I get emotional just thinking of how perfect Bean is, how wonderful our life has become since he's joined us, and how grateful I am for a child that never throws tantrums in public, or gets sick (this was his first ever sickness) and how loving he is in general. His black hair has now turned auburn, his brown eyes mimick that of my own, and his personality is that of such a gentle and loving human being. He shares his soothers with his toys, and shares his toys with the dog. And I couldn't wish for him to be any other way.
Ive been through a lot in my life, as a child and a teen, and just as I thought it could never get any better for me, Bean enters my life and changed my world forever.
To anybody who's struggling, or feeling like it'll never get better, life has some wonderful tricks up its sleeve for you. Just be patient and hold on, and I promise you that it'll be okay.
From our world, to yours
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